One Year (Part 1)

As I mentioned a few times before life is a little crazy right now and I haven’t been able to make it on here very often, but I have been writing these posts in my head for over a month so I thought I would steal a moment to write my thoughts down. I am going to break the story up into a few different parts just to make things easier to read.


November 20th was my first year anniversary and the differences a year has made have been completely unbelievable.
I started the pre-op diet on Nov 10th 2009 at 275 pounds and a BMI of 45.8. I had started researching the surgery after gaining 45 pounds in a year and hitting my high of 275 in 2008. I questioned my choice several times. Picked a surgeon. Questioned my choice again. Struggled several months trying to figure out what I needed for documentation from the surgeon’s office. I changed primary doctors since I knew mine would rather give me drugs then approve surgery (which I wasn’t willing to do). I decide to try and treat my insulin resistance and PCOS one more time (which normally results in weight loss) as part of my documentation. I was losing weight but dang it was hard. I didn’t feel good. I hated that my surgeon wasn’t helping me through the process and hated that my new primary doc seemed only see me as an obese person trying to have weight loss surgery instead of a patient with a variety of needs and concerns. I questioned my choice over and over again.

I was losing the battle and didn’t know what I was going to do. I decided to try a new surgeon and my life changed that day. Dr. K’s seminar told me nothing new about the surgery than I already knew, but I like him right off the bat. He didn’t try to act all high and mighty and solely in charge like the other surgeon. He wanted to help and partner with us to make the right decisions. After the seminar we met one on one and I gave him a brief overview of what I had done the last year with the other surgeon. How I thought I had months of documentation left to do, but didn’t know really what I was doing. How I couldn’t seem to get straight answers from the other surgeon. How I was discouraged, but determined to get this done. He stopped me immediately and said I had to do nothing more. The insurance I had didn’t require all that the other office said it did and what was left his office could quickly arrange. He said we can have this done in a few weeks and not worry about a thing. I cried and he held my hand. I knew then that I was at the right place and that even if we did hit a hurdle things were going to work out.

Since I was so prepared I was quickly fast tracked for surgery. Straight to the table as someone said. The psych review, the endoscopy, the pre-op tests all happened within a few weeks. Less than two months later and a day after my 31st birthday I was in surgery. When I woke up after surgery I have to say that I questioned my choice again, but it was the last time I ever had a doubt.

October Update

I know it has been a while since I have updated, but I wanted to let everyone know that I am still here. I am struggling (and failing) to keep up with everything, but I am here.


A lot has happened since I updated last including the fact that I completed my half marathon!!!! (read more here). I honestly never truly thought that I would be able to do this. It was hard, but even though I lost a little enthusiasm at the end I am a completely different person now. It is hard to explain, but I notice little things all the time that have changed in my life. I find myself doing things I thought of as too hard before. I push my physical limits - or what I have perceived as my limits. It is almost like after doing the impossible (running a half) my mind has been opened to the possibilities. Think about it. After running 13.1 miles it is hard to say 2 miles on the elliptical, a 5 mile walk to Wal-mart, or the dreaded stepper is too hard.

On the home side I am almost out of my house. I have literally been at my house maybe 5 days this month between travel for work and house sitting at my parents. I was really gramma sitting since she lives across the street from them and needs extra help. I had to respond to two lifeline calls when I was there including one in the middle of the night involving lots of blood. We also had several nursing visits, physical therapy, and speech theory while I was there. Combine that with the normal things like grocery shopping and it was a crazy couple of weeks. I am not sure how my mom does it everyday. She is amazing!

Also my parents think they have found “the” house. In reality, there are two of them that they like so if the negotiations go well they might be out by Christmas !! That will mean I might be fully moved into my new house (their current house) by the New Year!! Starting Monday I will be living at my grandmother’s until they move out. This happened much faster than we ever thought it would. I feel kind of silly being a 30-something woman living with my grandmother, but oh well.

On the band side I had .5 ccs removed the week before the race. I was having some acid reflux and with my pre-race nutrition requirements it wasn’t worth struggling with the band and risking harming it – or not getting the nutrition I needed to run. I finally got half of it back in this Tuesday and hopefully this works for me. My body just doesn’t like restriction – I either have too much or too little. I don’t seem to have a sweet spot. My doctor is ok with this of course. He pointed out that I have lost 93 pounds with my band being in the background, but dang it is hard sometimes.

My appointment with the doctor gave me a chance to talk about goals with him. In the past, he had set my goal at 180 – just under obese. (I set my goal 5lbs under his) He doesn’t remember that and says that I hit his goal months ago. According to him, I am healthy and have been a healthy weight for while. Which is what he truly wants. The BMI chart is not correct for me – surprise surprise. BUT, I am not done. I agree that I am healthy and that an addition loss probably won’t do much healthy wise, but I know I can lose more.

Thankfully he agrees I can lose more, because trying to get fills could get really tough if he disagreed. But he doesn’t want to put a number on it. He says I should just live life and listen to my body. My body will tell me how many calories I need and when I have hit a good weight. Which I guess I agree with - kind of. Weight loss shouldn’t be my focus anymore, but dang I really just be done with the weight loss portion of this journey. I want to get to my final weight NOW, know what size I will be, invest in some good clothes and enter into maintenance mode. Patience is not my strong suit if you can’t tell!!

Ninety Pounds!!

After complaining last week about how slowly I was losing my scale shocked me this weekend with a 2 pound loss! The previous 2 pounds took 4 weeks to come off so surprised just doesn’t fully explain what I felt. I thought it was a fluke – maybe a little dehydration, but even after endless eating on Sunday (or so it seemed) the number stuck. So that means I am now 90 pounds down!! Wooohooo!!!!!

 That means as of today I am:

• 7 lbs under my health insurance coach’s goal of 192 (BMI under 32)
• 5 lbs from my Doc’s goal of 180 (BMI under 30)
• 10 lbs from my personal goal of 175 (first goal)

I have struggled seeing the changes the last 10 pounds have made – probably since it has come off so much slower. When I saw my trainer last week (for the first time in a little over 2 months) she complimented me on how good I looked. I laughed and said that I really hadn’t lost much. She looked at me funny and halfway through the training she mentioned that I had to have lost more weight and pointed out how “skinny” my arms were. Also, the other day the puppy and I made a trip to the pet store – we go at least once a week to “socialize”. (Mollie LOVES it). I wondered why nobody came up and said hi to Mollie and I until we were checking out. After the cashier heard me call Mollie she took as second look and asked me if I changed my hair or something b/c she didn’t recognize me at first. I laughed and figured that I must normally have my hair pulled back when I go. That was until Sunday.

Sunday I looked in the mirror and felt that something was “off”. Throughout the day I kept glancing in the mirror trying to figure out what that something was. It wasn’t even a conscious thing at first. I just kept doing it and wondered why I felt “funny” when I saw myself. It is hard to explain. It was like when you have a something on the tip of your tongue but you can’t remember what that something was. That nagging feeling kept drawing me back to the mirror.

After probably a dozen (or two) long glances in the mirror I realized that somewhere along these last 10 pounds something big changed in my face. And it just isn’t the fact that it is more narrow (although it is!). It is also the depth of my features. It is hard to see in photos, but my cheekbones, nose, eyes all look different b/c they are more prominent. I wish I had a good “before” side shot to show you so you could see the difference since it is really obvious when you see me in profile. Honestly I think most of the 10 pounds that I lost has been in my face and shoulders. Probably why I still can’t wear my size 12s!

Speaking of shoulders – after one of my runs I was looking in the mirror and thought the muscles in my shoulders were in knots. There was these huge bumps sticking out in my back and since I have been having so much back pain I reached back to see if I could rub the knot out. Well I could easily reach it, but it wasn’t muscle it was BONE. I almost died laughing.

I will post my regular update pictures soon, but here are some charts of my journey these last 10 months.



My Weight Loss and Trend



My forecast to my 1 year mark - I have to lose at least 1.25 lbs/wk to hit my goal

Here are my month losses

A historial view of my weight since High School

Paying it Forward

Now that everyone is back in Blog world (I so wish I could have gone to Chicago!!) could you do me a favor?  Stop by and say hi to Janet at "That's How I Roll".  She was banded in July and is dealing with the endless hunger that we all get before we find our sweet spot. 

Post it Note Tuesday

Join me for Post It Note Tuesday by going here: http://wigflip.com/superstickies/

Long Distance Running vs. Weight Loss

Six months ago when I first put my idea of being a runner on paper (or online) it didn’t seem real. I knew that I would at least finish the 5K I had registered for, but the half marathon I wrote about – well I never thought it would happen. First, I didn’t think I would be able to physically do it. My knees had hurt for years due to repeated injuries while in high school. A year ago I could barely walk some days because the bottoms of my feet would hurt so bad (plantar fasciitis I believe). Second, well I just didn’t think I would do it. In the back of my mind I “knew” I would find some excuse to not embarrass myself. I could barely run a single mile at that point and here I was planning on running 13.1.

The first day of my training came and our group placement run was held. Like I said before I came in last. Ok I knew I would be in the slowest group, but I was not prepared on how much slower I would be. The next week we ran 4 miles and I thought I would die. As the weeks went on and our miles got higher I learned a lot about myself.

I learned that I could actually run the distance with the right training. I learned what training worked well for me (Galloway’s method). I learned how to stick up for myself (who thought I really needed to learn that!) and to make sure I got what I need to succeed. I learned how to properly fuel and hydrate before and during a run.

What I also learned is that weight loss and long distance running don’t go hand and hand. I was warned by several people before I began training that my weight loss would slow down and probably stop - if not increase by a few pounds. I mentally heard them and understood the whys, but just like becoming a runner didn’t seem real neither did plateauing because I was running double digit miles.

Well the fact is that it is happening. I lost 4 pounds in June, but then lost 7 in July. I figured June was a fluke. August came and I lost 4 pounds again. However since the 3rd week of August I have lost 2 pounds. 2 pounds in 4 weeks and honestly those 2 pounds rarely show up on the scale. Most days I am up 1-2 pounds. Today I am up almost three from my all time low of 187.

Every week since the last week of August has been a race or long run – a 10 mile race, a 10k race, a 10 mile practice run, and a 13.1 practice run. I am eating more – especially more carbs. I am eating less than I burn so I would expect a consistent decrease, but of course it doesn’t work that way (or so EVERYONE told me). This has been a little hard for me to deal with. I feel like I am doing so much work with little results. My rational mind understands, but in the back of my mind just thinks I should be able to do both. Before my 10 mile practice last week I decided not to eat the same way I was. It wasn’t a fully thought out conscious idea. It was more instinctive and emotional.

What a stupid idea. I had to be driven back at the 7 mile mark. I completely ran out of energy. The world was spinning and I couldn’t think. I was so ticked at myself! I realized at that point that on race day I will be obese. There is no out of it. I hate it! I have come so far, but will still have that label when they do my post race health check. There is even the chance that by doing this running I may not reach my 100 pound goal by my 1 year mark. I only have 2 months to go and I still have 12 pounds to go. Even if I am able to lose another pound during the last two weeks of my training (and that is questionable) I would have 11 pounds to lose in 6 weeks. Doable yes, but not a guarantee - especially with the chaos in my life.

This was hard to come to grips with. I still haven’t fully accepted it. But what I learned this Saturday during my 13.1 practice run is that this is fully worth it. I may not reach my goal in regards to weight (at least not at the date I wanted), but I have reached and surpassed one of my wildest dreams. I am a half marathoner!

Thousand Word Thursday

Here is my contribution to Amy's Thousand Word Thursday. The topic for the week is:  Let's celebrate our own beauty and how wonderful we all look with a photo of your favorite feature.

This was a hard one for me since I see my body as a work in progress. Plus I recently dropped enough weight to put me back in that "spongy" category. You know that spot after you lose some weight and before your skin tightens back up. It has happened several times so far during this journey (especially after a big drop in body fat) and so far my body is able to compensate after a few weeks of sponginess.

So of course the legs I loved last week don’t look as firm as they did. Neither does my chin or arms, but I know it is just a phase and I am trying really hard not to let it bug me. But finding a “favorite feature” became a little depressing today. Until I remembered the recent dresses I have been wearing and the great neck line that appeared from under my tanks and t-shirts.

This picture isn’t the best, but it is amazing how much definition I am getting in my upper chest area. I have even got compliments - of all the strange places to compliment :) The little peak of collar bones (they won’t ever jump out, but that is the way I am built), the defined neck, and a growing set of shoulder and neck muscles combined with a “sprinkle” of freckles makes me smile.  And yes I know that sprinkle is an understatement. I tell people I don’t tan my freckles just meld together ;p

Crim 10 Mile!

If you haven't checked it out yet I updated my running blog with details about my race this weekend.  It was a great experience and I actually can't wait to do it again! I am still a little sore mostly when I do stairs, but nothing that a couple days of rest won't cure.  Here are a couple highlights:

Yes that says I burned 4215 calories!!!  No wonder I am so hungry still. 

Me after 10 miles!  And honestly at this point I could have kept going.  It wasn't until I had stopped for a while that my feet start to burn.  Later on my knees and shins were sore, but a trip in the hot tub and some bengay made every thing better.  This morning I felt great, but after a day of sitting my quads are reminding me to move! 

I will post a couple more pics when I get them, but now on to the Brooksie Half Marathon!!!

Carb Overload!!

I am sick of carbs. I never thought in my wildest dreams I would ever ever say that. I started carb loading last night for my race on Saturday and already I am craving protein. In fact I started a half a day late since I forgot until my doctor’s appointment late in the afternoon. Of course the dr also cancelled my fill since he wants me to be able to fuel correctly and stay hydrated. Makes sense and I was kind of worried myself, but I didn’t want to wait until the end of October for a fill (my next appointment was right before the half which would have meant no fill). Luckily, he is now in the office twice a month for fills. So the fill is only postponed two weeks instead of two months. Thank God!
My reminder on carb loading caused me to take an unplanned detour to the grocery store last night. It was sooo tempting to just pick up those lovely bakery items instead of the carb packed veggies , whole grain crackers, and other “healthy” carbs. I was this close to picking up some Bannana’s Foster ice cream – limited time flavor and one of my absolute favorites. I had the container in my hands and actually figured the number of calories that the whole thing had b/c you know those “little” containers of premium ice cream would get completely eaten. 840 calories if you were wondering. Much better than I would have thought and I know I will burn it off, but I decided going crazy on sugar right before race day probably wouldn’t make me feel great.

For those of you not familiar with carb loading it isn’t the all you can eat pasta dinners the night before the race. Some people do do that, but it isn’t really recommended since it is just too heavy in your stomach. Plus your liver just doesn’t store enough glycogen in one big meal. Glycogen is what carbs are turned into so it can be used as energy. You want your liver and muscles to be full of the stuff so you have as much energy as possible. It is also ironically the same stuff that Drs want us to get rid of before surgery using the low carb liquid diet approach. No wonder our engery levels tank during that time!

To do carb loading the “right way” you start three days prior to race day – according to those pesky dietitians. (Love you Kelly!) First, if you are dieting you need to increase your calories to equal what you burn. For me that is somewhere around 2200 on average (higher on long run weeks). Then you are supposed to eat 60-70% of your calories in carbs. For me that would be 330g – 385g of carbs or 1320-1540 calories from carbs. That is more calories in just carbs than I typically eat in total for an ENTIRE day! And that is the more conservative method of figuring your carb intake. Some dietitians recommend you eat 8-10 grams of carbs per kilogram of weight. For me that would be 687-860 or 3436 calories in just carbs!! I don’t know if I could physically eat that many calories.

So suffice it to say I am going to have to do a modified carb loading program. Something much more band friendly. I am trying to up my calories hoping somewhere around 2000 (maybe a little higher, but I don’t want to feel like I have overeaten on race day). Then I am making sure I am getting my protein and finally upping my carbs. It should give me somewhere around 55% of my diet in carbs (1100 calories).

Sounds great, huh? Yeah eating things I love (potatoes, bread, etc…) is great, but honestly eating a days worth of calories in carbs doesn’t feel as good as I remember. After 24 hours I would rather grab a stick of cheese then a whole grain pita chip or a bowl of squash (which I LOVE). Oh and I found out that carb loading also has the *great*effect of causing you to store more water and thus gain weight. It isn’t that bloated feeling thank God, but a 2-3 pound increase in the scale is very very likely.

What a thing to complain about!! I am guessing that I would get used to the increase in carbs after a few more days so I am going to have to be very careful after race day. But since I didn’t go crazy on ice cream before the race I am telling everyone now that I will have something sweet when we are done. My banded dad might start drooling, but after burning nearly 2000 calories I think that I will have earned it. Not that it will be my “reward”. It will just be a tasty way to replenish my glycogen stores and I can’t think of a better time to add in a high calorie snack :)

Life

Why does life never happen as planned? ;) I have been AWOL from blog land (and many other places) for the last month because I took a swan dive off the bridge of life and have been trying to figure out if I was going to hit pavement or water. Luckily, I hit water, but I am still making my way up to the surface. Yes, if you can’t tell I am feeling a little poetic today. Really, making light of the whole thing has helped keep me sane over the last few weeks.

 

So in the sake of covering a lot of info in a post I am resorting to bullets. I will start with Band and Running updates:

• I am still losing weight, but slowly
• I have officially lost 85 pounds and am in the 180’s for the first time since my freshman year of high school.
• I am 9.5 pounds away from my doctor’s goal and 14.5 pounds away from my goal.
• I know I need to lose more than 14.5 pounds, but I will be happy if my body does stop there.
• I haven’t been as disciplined over the last month as I was so I am ok with the small loses I had – a half a pound a week.
• I still haven’t changed my diet much, but I was able to lose 2 pounds last week and a pound so far this week. It is amazing how small changes add up.
•  It feels great to live life (no matter how crazy), and not have to worry about every detail about food – and still lose something.
• I have very little restriction, and since the reflux has gone away I am going to get a fill this month.
• I am very happy to be losing even though I have only been at my sweet spot for a couple weeks over the last 9 months. Hopefully, getting the next fill will give me the little push I need to hit goal. 
• I am still running and still injury free.
• The marathon training is going well – at least the running.
• I have completed a 8.5 mile run a couple weeks ago and am doing 10 miles this week.
• I have a 10 mile race in 11 days. I know I can do it, but the question is can I do it fast enough.
• I am slow and end up running by myself (and a trainer) because the rest of my group doesn’t show.
• The director of the program tries to push me into harder intervals so I can run with a group which slows me down even more.
• I don’t think she believes that the shorter intervals keep me faster (even though that is what our training methodology states). And they didn’t even tell me they upped the intervals until we were almost done and my time was over 3 minutes slower a mile! So it can't be just in my mind.
• It is not my fault everyone in my group dropped out. I paid my money to get help. Don’t tell me week 10 that maybe I should move into the 5k program. Especially when to date you have told me how good I am doing and I asked you in the beginning if I was overreaching.
• I am slow and I know it, but I don’t need the director of the program talking about me behind my back and mocking me (or so it appeared).
• She knows she was caught because I turned my car around and confronted her.
• I think she knows she did wrong and feels bad, but it changed my experience and I hate that.
• After feeling like the slowest runner on the planet I found out that the main training program (we are a branch) has many groups for my speed or slower. 
• The director of the program is going to find me a group to run the 10 mile race with – a group that runs at my pace. Why she didn’t say something to me when I said something about running alone last week I am not sure. But at least it ended well. 
• Oh and I broke my personal best and did 2 miles at a 13:10 pace. My best pace so far. Granted I almost killed myself to do it, but it was done. I may not be able to 10 or 13.1 miles at that pace this year, but I am getting better and next year it might be doable.

 And now for the life updates. Kind of hard to put a month of craziness into a “short” update, but here is my best try:

• I am moving and I feel like it is really “I have to move”
• My condo is worth diddly squat and is expected to continue to fall for at least 3 more years and may not be worth what I paid even in another 10 years (maybe much much longer).
• My condo is literally falling apart due to the association deferring maintenance for far too long.
• They say they will have to double to get out us of our issues – that will be more than some people pay in rent.
• I would literally pay more in association dues in the next 5 years than some people bought their condo for this year.
• Crime is starting to go up. My neighbor was home when someone tried to break in and I was accosted at the gas station down the road the other day. Luckily I was in my car by then, but it is not going the way I thought it would due to a HUGE cut in spending in the area.
•  I am so sad. I feel like a failure. But I am getting over it.
• It will be expensive.
• Best case scenario I will pay out a crap load of money to get out of my house. Worst case scenario two crap loads of money. Either way I will be better off leaving now.
• For the next 3-5 years I will probably be paying off a house I don’t own, but it is no worse than buying a car (which you typically use for a short time even though you pay a lot for them).
• I am buying a new house.
• Back in my home town. A small town in northern Michigan. Closer to my family. 
• What I have always wanted, but wasn’t able to do a few years ago due to my job.  
• I am buying my childhood home – my parent’s current home.
• It will almost cost me a little more than what my association dues were going to be.
• It is a little smaller than my current condo, but has so much more.
• Problem is my parents haven’t moved out yet (as planned).
• They are buying a house that my grandmother can live in too.
• Their short list of homes just went to zero (one sold, one needs too much work, and one is WAY too close to a dairy farm – the smell was the worst they have ever noticed and my mom lived on a farm
• Very few houses are on the market and it may be early spring before they get another short list although we are still hoping to be in our new houses by Christmas
• If my house sells before they move I may have to live with them or my grandmother.
• They both have really small houses and this could get interesting.
• But it already feels like my home - I can’t wait til they get out :)
• The puppy loves the fenced in back yard.
• I love the pool.
• My dad calls it my house – which is good and bad. Bad when he wants me to mow. Good when he asks how I want the plants.
• I have a brand new silver maple in the front yard.
• I love the front and back decks and the patio that will be perfect for a table and chairs.
• I won’t have a spare room, but I will have an awesome office. Upstairs and not in the windowless basement.

Just in case you noticed, I haven't been commenting on your blogs.  Mostly because I am able to read only a few a day using Google reader.  I have no idea what is going on out there, but I hope to catch up soon.  I hope you all are doing great!

80 Pounds!

I know I still owe you a running post, but I am going to skip that today to bring you the following news:

I

HAVE

LOST

POUNDS!!!

 

80 pounds! I can’t believe it. A little under 8 months ago I was in the hotel room, near the hospital where I was having surgery the next day, trying to fall asleep but my mind kept spinning with all the possibilities. What would the next 18 months be like? What would I look like in 3 months, 4 months, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, etc… Maybe in my most optimistic thoughts did I end up losing 80 pounds before the end of July, but I never really thought that this would happen.

So as of today I am

• 3 pounds from a BMI under 32 – My insurance health coordinator’s goal
• 15 pounds from a BMI under 30 – My surgeon’s goal
• 20 pounds from 175 – My goal

These numbers are amazing to me, but being so close to my goal has emphasized one thing for me – I have more than 20 pounds to lose. This is ok and honestly what I expected to find once I got closer to my goals. I am still going to use my body fat goal as my ultimate sign of success, but unless I lose all 20 pounds in fat I am going to have extra work to do.

The strange part about where I am now is that I am basically just a smaller version of myself before. Ok. I am sure you are thinking “Obviously, Tracy”, but hear me out. For the last 40-50 pounds I have shrunk very proportionally (well except my chest). My arms, legs, stomach, hips have stayed exactly the same shape just smaller. I have the same bumps, creases, curves and whatever that I had 50 pounds ago. Nothing has smoothed out or looks skinnier. 

This is a great thing when you think of skin. I have bat wings, but they are not getting larger as I lose the fat. My panniculus is still there, but instead of getting looser as I lose weight it looks exactly the same. Basically instead of deflating like some people have described I am just shrinking. Which is great. Absolutely wonderful.

Except for the mental part. It appears that nothing is getting smaller. On a day to day basis I don’t see a difference. My arms, legs, and stomach all look exactly the same. I hear you guys talking about seeing air between your thighs – nope not me. How about those of you with your skinny calves or defined chins – nope not me again. Even in my latest pictures you can see very little difference. I love the smaller me, but I would love to notice something that shouts skinnier.

Thankfully, in today’s pictures my lovely collar bones came out to play. I rarely see them, but when I do I just love how skinny they make me feel. Also, today’s pictures mark another big milestone – size 14 jeans and a LARGE shirt. No W’s and no X’s. Wooohooo!! Now I am just started to fit into the random 14 and large, but I love it. It is my real conformation that I actually look different.

 

I LOVE today’s picture. The difference between where I am now and where I started is just crazy. My waist, hips, and face – Wow! Plus those collar bone’s are just awesome. Looking at this picture makes me feel skinny!

 

 

Now that I have found my tri-pod I am going to have to start being more consistant with my pictures because the different cameras, positions and zooms make it harder to compare each month. Although it is pretty easy to see the last picture is showing great progress. I LOVE my band!

 

On a final note – I have my 8 month check up in the next couple weeks (next week or the week after – can’t remember). I lost my restriction last week, but I am thinking of asking for unfill. I have been suffering from a bad sore throat for a week now and I think it is from my GERD. I haven’t had symptoms since surgery, but a sore throat was a something I used to get from it. I don’t want to lose my band and the resurgence of this symptom is a little concerning. I figure I could handle one month of no restriction to let every thing heal much more than I could handle getting it taken out. I have no idea what I would do if that happened!! But I am not going to worry about it right now. The doc will know the best way to handle this which is why he gets paid the big bucks, right?

 

As for now I am going to continue celebrating my 80 pounds, focus on enjoying the moment and push forward towards my next goal.

Running (Part 1)

I have had a few questions about my running program so I thought I would devote some time and write about it. I want to start out saying I never thought I would be a runner. I hate gym class in school mostly because of the mile runs. When this bug hit me earlier this year I was surprised, but I am very much loving everything about it.


Let’s start where I started – 6 weeks after surgery. I was 245 pounds and decided to start the Couch to 5k (C25K) program. I had done some walking before this, but no running. The first week was 60 seconds of running and 90 seconds of walking for 20 minutes. The plan is to do this 3 times a week, but it took me a little less than 2 weeks to get three successful runs in. I had to do a couple of the runs twice since I couldn’t complete them the first time. All in all it was pretty hard, but the feeling of accomplishment was great.

In week 2 (in reality my week 3), the plan was to do 90 seconds of running and 2 minutes of walking for 20 minutes. I was able to do all three runs without any major problems – until the runs were over. Afterwards, not only did I feel like I wanted to puke, but also my legs were killing me. I would ice my knees after every run and put layers of Bengay on. After this week, I gave up on running for a while to give my legs a chance to heal. Some days it hurt to even walk. Was this a fault of the running program, my weight, a bad hotel treadmill? I wasn’t sure. All I knew was I hurt.

Fast forward 6-8 weeks to mid March. My legs still hurt. I decided I couldn’t wait any longer to get going again. I decided to start with a week of good walking (1-3 miles 5 times a week). In the second week I started the C25K program again. Week 1 and 2 went pretty good. I did the runs three times a week, but added in a lot of trail walking. It was hard, but much easier than last time. I still had to use a lot of Bengay and ice, but I could walk and the pain didn’t last.

Week three was a different story. It took me 2 weeks (maybe longer) to get through the 3 runs that included 3 minute runs and walks. By day 1 of week 4 I realized that I didn’t want to do this anymore. I really like running, but I didn’t like the way my body felt. Plus at the end of the C25K program I would be prepared to run “only” 30 minutes. I knew 3.1 miles would take longer than 30 minutes. So what was the point of killing myself???

I decided to keep create my own program. I continued trail walking and upped my mileage to build endurance. I also added in several short runs (similar to the C25K length), but instead of doing intervals they suggested I just ran what was comfortable. I felt great and was doing much better, but one thing I noticed is that I used up a lot of my energy on the first half of the run and slowed down during the second half.

I ran my first 5k on May 23rd (about 9 weeks after restarting my running program). It was great. I started very strong and liberally added in walk intervals when I “needed” them. By mile 2 this was a lot. By mile three I was mostly walking. But I did start running again during the last stretch. I crossed the finish line a little under 50 minutes – which was 10 minutes less than my goal. Yes I am slow, but I crossed the finish line feeling amazing!!

After the race I was feeling great, but a little burnt out. I stopped running for about a week and a half until I started my half marathon training in early June. When I went for the orientation I was loving what I heard. I had read a little about the program we were going to use, Galloway’s, but hearing them talk about what it had done for them or what they had heard from a seminar by Galloway was great. The lack of injuries, the rate of success, the fact that you can actually run faster and farther than with other programs, and that you will actually end each run with a smile on your face instead of in pain and want to puke. It was everything I wanted, but could all these things be really true or was this just their sale’s pitch.

After 5 weeks I am a true believer. I have done several 3 mile runs, a 4 miler, a 5 miler and a 6 miler. Except for the very first group run I have ended each run with the same feeling of accomplishment that the C25K program gave me, but without the pain and desire to puke. In fact, my feeling of accomplishment is even higher. I ran for an hour and 40 minutes in the rain with humidity so high my glasses fogged up and I still ended with a smile. It is absolutely wonderful.

The strange part is that even though I am walking more than before I am actually faster than when I did the longer runs. Also, I don’t slow down at the end of each run and can run each mile at roughly the same pace. It seems strange to feel just as good at mile 5 as I did at mile 1. Now don’t get me wrong. It is hard. I can tell I am running 5 miles and my body is getting a great workout, but unlike before I feel strong enough to keep going. It is A.M.A.Z.I.N.G!!!!!

The funniest part is we pass runners all the time that look like they are in pain and are dying. They do not look like they are enjoying themselves at all. From what our trainers have said these same exact people will be running the half marathon with us. They typically end upset with themselves and their run and threaten to stop doing it - year after year. They know about the program but scoff at it. I really don’t understand why they put so much time into something they hate. (btw – I am not saying that everyone who doesn’t use this method is wrong. I am saying that people who are miserable may want to consider finding another way to run or find something else they love.)

Since this blog is getting long I will continue later with details on the Galloway program and how have implemented so far. Stay tuned ;)

BYOC - Bring Your Own Craziness...

BYOC everyone! 5 questions - some funny, some serious - we answer in our blogs to get to know each other better and to ease our fried brains on Fridays!

1. Love or money? High salary or job satisfaction?

I would like to say love, but I have to be realistic and say it would depend on how poor I would be. I know the lack of money causes a lot of stress and that can ruin love. As for the other I would have to say once again it would have to be a compromise. I would never want to hate my job and get a high salary, but on the other hand I wouldn’t want to make diddly squat but love my job. Although if I had to lean more towards one side or the other I would rather give up a little money and have more job satisfaction.

2. What is your favorite time of day?

I am a night person and love sunsets. I have plans to live on Lake Michigan someday (after I win the lottery) so I can watch the sunset from my deck everyday. However, I find nothing more calming and satisfying that being in my kayak in the middle of a lake at sunrise. There is just something that touches my soul when I am out there.

3. My in-laws just had their wills done so it made me wonder this. Do you have a will? Did you tell anyone your wish to be kept alive or not?

I don’t have a will, but I have no dependents (or a positive net worth) so it really doesn’t matter too much. I do have life insurance through work and someday I will have to figure out an alternative to leaving it to my parents, but hopefully that won’t be important for a really long time.

As for my wish to be kept alive or not – I have told my parents to do whatever they want. My take on it is that if I am in the situation that I can’t make the decision myself then it really won’t matter to me what decision is made. They will be the ones that will affected the most and since there are so many factors that can’t be known ahead of time I figure that they will also be the most informed to make the decision.

My only medical request has been that if something is ever discovered during surgery and they need to remove reproductive organs that I am woken up to make the decision myself. This came out of my first surgery (of 4) where they thought I had a tumor on my ovaries. I was 13 at the time and although it wasn’t a tumor I found that my chances of having kids were greatly reduced. I have come to grips with my chances, but it made me really think about how much harder it would be if they had to remove the ovary.

4. Repeat question. Pick one thing for one day you'll do next week that aids in your physical or mental health.

I am most likely traveling next week and keeping up with my runs can be hard. I am going to make the promise that I will do my long run next Thursday even if I can’t run with the group.

5. Repeat questions. Make someone a superstar for a moment...whose comment or blog stuck with you this week and why.

TracyZ - I loved her post about rafting mostly because I am really really jealous. I may need to make a trip out there and go myself once I hit my goal.

Susieq4givn – She had a plateau at 200 just like I did, but has now it Onderland!!!

Draz - Draz posted the other day about a new mantra that she was using as she was running - “but it doesn’t matter”. Yesterday, I did this several times and was shocked when it made such a difference. It went something like – “It’s hot, humid, and raining, but it doesn’t matter”, “my glasses are fogging up, but it doesn’t matter”, and “I have 2 miles to go, but it doesn’t matter”. Strangely it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders each time. I am going to try adding this to other things and see if it does the same.

Onderland!

The scale finally gave up torturing me and showed me a 1 the other day. I have been a little frightened to call it since it isn’t my scale (same kind of scale, but not mine), but when I could stand on it with pajamas and still be under 200 I knew it was time. I am in ONEDERLAND!!!! Yesterday, the whole town celebrated with me. There was a parade and fireworks. It was a HUGE party ;)

Being serious again, these last couple pounds have been the hardest to lose. First my awesome scale refused to actually show a 100. It is an old T-bar scale (the kind that doctor’s offices and hospitals have/had) and is super accurate – EXCEPT when I am on the edges of each 50 pound increment. Basically, I had bottomed out the 200 pound weight (meaning that I HAD to be under 200), but when I moved to the 150 weight I maxed it out (showing that I was over 200).

Add that into a mini plateau and set point and talk about frustrating. At least I am guessing that I was at a set point since my body just did not want to give up those last couple pounds. I killed on the exercise side – started my half marathon training, ran 3-5 miles each group run, ran an addition 3-5 each week for homework, did strength training once or twice a week, and tried Zumba a couple times. On the food side I also did pretty good. I had some low days and some high days, but that was partly on purpose so my body wouldn’t get adjusted to the low calorie intake and lower my metabolism any more. All this and I ended June down 4 pounds - 4 very hard pounds. Which is half of what I have been losing each month and honestly I think two of those pounds might have been from dehydration. So much for hitting 199.8 by the end of June let alone my stretch goal of 195.

But I can’t really complain. I knew that this was going to happen someday. I expected it to happen closer to 210 or 220 so I have been very lucky. But no matter how much the rational mind understands what is going on, the heart hurts every time the scale doesn’t budge. Frustration is an understatement!

However, I have busted through and hope to never see a 200 ever again!!!!!!! Since the weight seems to be melting off at the moment, I don’t think that will be an issue. According to the scale I have where I am visiting (same kind of T-bar scale so it has to be very close to mine), I am just a hair over 196.  That means I have lost more weight in the 5 days of July than I lost ALL LAST MONTH!!! Woohoooo!!! Hopefully, my scale (which normaly reads a tiny bit less) will show the same number when I get home tomorrow.

Speaking of home. I haven’t been there very much lately which is why I haven’t been around blog land much. I tried to keep up with blogs using google reader, but I have tons of unread blogs still out there. I will try to get caught up today and tomorrow, but with the shear number of new postings it might take all week!!!

100th Post

I was going to stop blogging until I hit either 100 followers or hit Onederland, but since both of those are still out of reach I had to give in. I just can’t let my milestone last night go unblogged about. I have posted this same posting on my new blog (about running) so if you happen for follow that one too (Hi Pie!) then you will see the same thing there. I started that blog to record my running journey – without specifically talking about my band. If you are interesting feel free to check it out – but I won’t hunt you down if you don’t follow it ;)

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Last night was the beginning of week three of my training program and our group run. This week we were scheduled to do 5 miles. I have never run five miles in my entire life. Never even wanted to – until now. For some strange reason I wasn’t worried about completing the run anymore. When I finished the four miles last week something clicked into my mind that if I could do this I can do anything – with the right training :)

Luckily when I got there they had divided the slow group into 2 sections. Last week I just about killed myself with the pace and was blown by the last mile. The faster 15 started out with 2-1s (run 2 min/walk 1 min) while the slower group did 1-1s. According to Galloway’s method for my pace I am supposed to do even smaller intervals so I was a little concerned about keeping up, but luckily one of the trainers started a small group of us out in 30-30s.

Now you would think that doing such smaller intervals would have really slowed us down, but for the first mile we were within a few hundred feet of us. It was probably about 2.5 miles before they got completely out of sight, but they still only finished a few minutes ahead of us. But doing the 30-30s was so much easier. Well not easy – it was still hard, but I didn’t feel like I wanted to puke after so I consider it much better.

The best part of the run – I didn’t finish last! Only because the other runners with me took a bathroom break, but still it was nice not to finish last for once.

Here are a couple snapshots of my run – from a numbers point of view. The first is my stats from runkeeper.com. I logged every mile in around 16:30 – except the last, but I forgot to turn it off right away. The second is my calorie burn for the day. The long high peak is the run of course. You can see that I did 80 minutes of vigorous activity (I have defined at >4.8 mets). That is almost my entire run. Even though I am walking during part of the run, the way it happens (frequent but short) allows my burn to stay steady.

7 Months Already!

Time has just flown by. 7 months ago I was wondering what the hell I had just done to myself and thinking I might have just made a big mistake. Today, I am 75 pounds down and know I made the best decision of my life! Even if I were to stop losing today everything I have done has been completely worth it. I am so much healthier and happier it is amazing. But of course, I won’t stop today and I can’t wait to reach my goal!!

Some of my accomplishments over the last 7 months:

• 75 pounds gone!
• Dropped from a 22W-24W to a regular 16
• Dropped from a 3x shirt to a plain XL
• Shoes dropped ½ size
• Ran/walked a 5K
• Ran 4 miles
• Hired a personal trainer
• Started training for a half marathon
• Own more work out clothes than normal clothes
• A complexion that doesn’t remind everyone of a ghost
• A 99% reduction in stomach issues
• Menstrual cycles went from 90-120 days to 27 days!
• The realization that I might actually be able to get pregnant if I wanted
• Asthma symptoms are rare and NOT exercise induced
• Not feeling hungry all the time

Things I am hoping for in the next 5 months:

• 25 more pounds to go! TWENTY FIVE!!!!
• Running at least 2 more “short races” (5-10k)
• Running 10 mile race
• Running a half marathon
• An increase of HDLs to a normal range
• An additional 10% reduction of body fat
• Knowing my weight is a non-issue and can’t stop me from ANYTHING!!

I Survived!

I lived through my first group run, but it was close :) I can now officially say I have run 4 miles. I was last, but I made it. Luckily I wasn’t by myself this time. Two others (plus a trainer) were with me, but they kept complaining about leg problems. I had no excuse except that it was hard. By the second half they shortened the intervals for us slow pokes, but by then I hated the start of each interval with a passion.

Part of the reason it was so hard is that this branch of the program is 3 or 4 times bigger than last year. So even though they split us into 4 teams, the teams have people with vastly different skill sets. In fact, our “slow team” has more people that the entire program had last year – and they split into 3 teams. Next week they are supposed to split our team into smaller groups so they can pace us better according to our skill set. Hopefully, this will make a huge difference in at least the way I feel during the second half. Yeah it will be 5 miles, but their goal is to not having us puking our guts out when we are done – and believe me it was a close call this time.

Even though it was hard, once the run was over I felt GREAT! I can’t wait until next week. Those running endorphins are absolutely wonderful. Wonderful!!!!! And with the run/walk intervals I felt very little pain afterwards. In fact, I barely felt anything until about noon today. Now I feel like I could use a hot bath or a good massage, but not to the point where I would avoid any activity (except maybe another long run). I think that if I didn’t work on the computer all day I really wouldn’t have notice much besides a slight soreness.

The only other side effect that I noticed is my general lack of hunger. Last night I had a small ice cream cone (150 calories) on my way home and a protein bar later, but I only ate because I knew I needed too. I avoiding eating too much before running so I had many calories to spare. Today I am doing terrible. No breakfast, a tiny lunch (ate my carb first and got really full), and no snacks. I finally went down and got myself some chili for dinner around 7pm, but I still wasn’t hungry. I just knew I needed some protein. For someone who normally eats 5-6 times a day (and stops losing under 1000 calories) this is not a good side effect. What a thing to complain about huh?

I will leave you with a few pictures that I just got of my 5K last month. 

 

Exhausted!

This really has been a week from hell on the work side. We are all pushing and pushing for a important meeting next week, but it seems never ending. I almost pulled an all nighter last night, but by 2am I was toast. When my alarm went off at 6am I almost cried and then hit snooze for an hour. Meetings with VPs are just so stressful – especially when the project isn’t going well. Luckily I was able to get everything I needed for today done so I am indulging myself with a quick blogger break. I am also thinking of heading to main offices support group tonight so I can meet up with Grace – if I am awake by then :( 

Luckily today is an exercise free day - a mandatory exercise free day! I am sure I won’t hit my calorie burn, but at this point I DON’T CARE!! Why is this a exercise free day, you ask? (Or at least I assume you are asking.) Because tomorrow starts week 2 of the half marathon training and group run day. Tomorrow we are doing 4 miles and they require 1 day of no exercise before each long run. It is supposed to reduce the risk of injury and help your muscles “learn” better tomorrow. Sounds reasonable to me so I am going to stick to it, but honestly I find it kind of hard to be told I can’t exercise. What a complete 180 from where I was 6 months ago!

In case you were wondering my training plan is below. The only days that are mandatory are the 20+minute run on Mon, the easy walk on Tuesday, the rest on Wednesday, the long run on Thursday, and the 20+ minute run on Sat. Below is a copy of my training schedule.

(click to "biggerize" :)

The strength and cross training days were added by me based on options allowed in the overall plan, but those days can be rest days depending on what your goals/needs are. They do stress that more is not always better – in fact many times it leads to people failing the program due to injury or being burned out. For me, I think this will work well, but I am am very very worried about keeping up with the group runs.

However, I just found out that there are four team leaders for our group (of 20 or so). I am crossing my fingers that that means our group will split into smaller groups based on additional needs. If not, I KNOW I did everything they said I needed to do before training to be successful so I guess I will just do what I can and let them figure out what to do with me. The main leader said I could do it, so I will let her put her skills where her mouth is :)

Ok. I got to run back to work so I can take a couple hours out tonight so talk to you guys later!!!!

Random Update

Tonight was support group night and there was actually another person there! Woohooo!!! I gave my blog address out to her and the NP so I am quickly deleting all the bad things I wrote about the doctor's office(just kidding Kristie!!) I just love how much support I get from all you guys and can’t wait to tell all the bandsters I meet. The new person recognized Amy W’s name and it made me think. How many unofficial followers are out there reading our blogs thinking about having surgery? I knew before surgery I did, but I never really thought about affecting someone’s decision based on what we say. I hope they don’t catch me on a bad day ;)

The scale is up today. Probably due to the workout I did yesterday with the trainer. It hurt to even hold the phone up last night and I thought I would wake up sore this morning, but it wasn’t too bad. I twinge now and then, but that actually feels good. I am still hoping to be down to 199.9 by this time next week and I should be able to do it.

My next fill is scheduled for next week and I am still not sure what I want to do. Last week I would have said no to any fill, but today I am not sure. Last night, I had 4 ounces of pork roast, 9 cherries and some zucchini chips. A cup plus or minus a smidge :) Not only did I not get that full feeling, but I also got really hungry an hour later. Crap. Today the same thing happened. But my question is how in the world can my restriction just vanish overnight. It has to be a fluke or I didn’t notice the restriction slowly letting up. I am going to watch carefully over the next few days and see how I feel. I am hoping for maybe a .1cc fill, but I am not sure if my doc will do that. *sigh*

I also forgot about a couple very important NSVs in my last post. As of last week, I fit perfectly into my size 16 jeans - a regular size 16 not a women’s size. My 18s were almost falling off of me, but the muffin top was too bad to wear until last week. I am also in XL shirts almost exclusively. My 1Xs are too big, but I still wear the tanks a little since the cut on the XLs allow my back fat to hang out. Arghhh!!! I love working out in tanks, but that back fat things just drives me nuts. Hopefully, that will start to go away soon.

Another really big NSV happened in the hotel last week. I picked up the hotel towel and it went all the way around me! I could even tuck it in. Granted I couldn’t move too fast or it would slide down, but it still was amazing to me! I would have jumped up and down, but I think I need to lose a little more before trying that. Sometimes, the little things on this journey seem to give so much pleasure. I love them all!

Summer Meltdown and NSVs

As you saw from yesterday’s post I hit a new low of 202. I was sooo surprised that it was still 202 this morning after my splurge on hummus, pretzel chips, and bing cherries. 7 servings of hummus in 2 days! Not something I will probably keep in the house very often, but it was soo good. I know I was close to my calorie target (maybe a little high), but I was expecting all that extra sodium to give me a bounce on the scale. So glad it hasn’t. Now since I have finished off all the hummus I am hoping the scale will still be nice tomorrow morning.

With the travel this week I had a bunch of NSVs. When I picked up the puppy from the kennel the trainer mentioned that someone else who worked there said how good I looked and how much weight I lost. Also, for first time people at work actually noticed that I have lost weight. I In the past, a couple people have said something, but only after I said something myself. This time several people mentioned it without me saying a word. Their comments usually started with me walking towards them and then “OMG – have you lost a BUNCH of weight?” The OMG and the BUNCH rankles me a little now, but at the time it felt so great. Ok, it still feels great.

The conversation at our team lunch (right after someone said those exact words to me) started focusing on weight. Talking about people who “OMG lost 25 pounds” or how much people gained after they started working at my company. My boss went on to say how she gained 15 pounds since she started and she decided that she just had to lose it or she would go nuts. Now I admit she could lose 15 pound and I don’t want to minimize the importance to her, but the way she was talking it just was unbelievable that she just “let herself go” and was so lazy. I wondered what she would think if I told her I gained 50 pounds since I started working for her. She also said something about how her husband makes fun of fat people. First of all, why in the world would she tell us that? Second, I work for someone who married a guy that makes fun of fat people. What does that say about her? (Remember she said my medical leave was selfish so I am a little biased.)

OK, on to good thoughts– at least kind of good thoughts. I started my first training class for my half marathon. We started the kickoff with a couple great speakers. They went on a little about the methodology that we would be using (Galloway’s), how it worked, and how counter-intuitive it seems. For example, Galloway says to go faster go walk. To go faster, slow down. If you feel great, slow down. Slow down??? Seems crazy, but when you look at the details it starts to make sense. For example, if you do your “long runs” slower than you feel you could, your muscles can rebound faster and you have less injuries and more success next time. If you go slow in the beginning your muscles have stamina to keep going later on. The program has been going on for about 16 years and is the largest training program for a single event in the world. They have had nearly a 100% success rate.

I felt pumped!

Until I ran my pace mile.

Everyone training in the level one/two half marathon groups had to run a mile. The first 20 went into one group, the second 20 in the next, the last 20 in the final training group. I knew I would come in the last group so I wasn’t worried, but I came in last. So I am the slowest person in the slow group. I am going to be running with people ever week that run much faster than I do. This does not bode well for a good summer. Also, when I researched Galloway’s method I saw that for my pace I would be doing intervals of either 30 or 45 seconds of running and a minute to minute and a half of walking. Very doable. However, since I am the slowest everyone else is at a higher intervals – at least 1 minute of running to 1 minute of walking. I don’t know if I can even do that for a couple miles let alone the 4 miles we are doing next week.

I am thinking of moving in the walking group or the 5k group. It isn’t the end of the world right? I just so wanted to be able to do this. I knew that I might not be able to complete the half in the time limit by fall, but I wanted to at least do the training. *sigh* I just don’t know what to do. Have I bit off too much? As my pre-training health assessment stated I am still obese. I may still be obese on race day. Oh, and I have to give up Wednesday Zumba since I can’t exercise at all the day before training. I don’t even like Zumba that much, but it helps give me more reasons to change my mind.

*sigh*