Bad Tracy and Reflections on a YoYo Life

Ohhhh boy… I was so bad today. Potato wedges, a biscuit and then my grilled chicken. Sad thing is I knew that when they didn’t ask me what side I wanted (I normally stick to the green beans) I was going to get “lucky” and get something I really shouldn’t eat. It was waaaayyy tooooo goooood…..

So glad I am getting another fill tomorrow!! My will power is getting a little weak. But I can’t count on the band so I need to make a few changes on my side. Now I am a firm believer that nothing is off the plate, but for the same calories I could have really had something good. Or I could have had half of what I did and been just as satisfied. Sad thing is it hasn’t been much more than an hour and I am hungry!!! And I don’t think I have any calories left…. Potato wedges = 260 (good but not that good), Biscuit = 180 (really not worth it!), and chicken (about 140…yummm). That plus the approx 800 I had today leaves me only 20 calories to snack with tonight. Sooo not going to happen… *sigh* I don’t think I am going to be in the 220’s tomorrow :(

This weekend I was cleaning out my closet and ran across my medical records. I thought it would be informative to go through them and see what I weighed at different times of my life. Now this isn’t a “true” picture since this graph has only my weights at doctor’s office visits, but it does give a good idea of the yo-yo dieting that my life was (and I didn’t even realize it until I was trying to fill out my pre-surgery documents)

  

 

It was so informative to see this - especially since I know that those lows were results of losing my motivation and giving up. The chart below was modified to include “non-official” weights to better depict what my weight was between doctor’s visits (since sometimes I go years without a visit – especially after giving up on weight loss). I also added major milestones in my life, plus markers for major diet attempts.

  

A few things I noticed while looking at this:

• I underestimated the weight I was in high school. I thought I was closer to 175-195 through my high school years. I was really 180-210.
• When I hit my goal I will be less than I weighed in high school. And as my NP and dietitian said – how many people can say that?!
• The only diets that show up as a valley are higher protein/lower carb. Very similar to what I am doing now.
• I lose weight fast and I gain weight even faster.
• I get stuck between 200 and 215, but last time I gave up in the 220s. VERY close to where I am now!
• I have lost more weight now than EVER before and it is coming of a little faster (probably since I am exercising as well as eating right)

3 Months and 45 pounds!!

With all the venting yesterday I forgot to mention it was my 3 month Bandiversary!! So I thought that I would celebrate a little today :) Especially since as you can tell by my picture I am officially down 45 pounds (since the beginning of the 10 day preop diet)!! Yippeee!!!! Now I was secretly hoping to see a 229 on the scale today, but that was only because I was losing a consistent .5 pounds a day since my fill. I knew I would slow down, but the 220’s seemed so attainable.

The 220s hold a special place for me since most of my adult life I was this weight. In fact, I think I was 225 for longest time. It is really hard to absorb the fact that I will soon leave that behind. It is becoming real more and more each day and I am LOVING IT!!! Today I thought I would try and see if I had any 18s that I could try on. I found one pair and not only did they pull up they fastened closed without a lot of difficultly – however the pants were riding up in places they really shouldn’t. ;0

I have a feeling that my body is going to be a lot different than it was the last time I was at this weight. Plus some of my clothes are not even close to what I would were now. The jeans I found so far were stone washed, tapered legged, carpenter jeans – they made me look so funny! I did however find a great pair of track pants (1X) and a great college alumni T-Shirt (unisex XL) that I wore all the time during grad school. They fit perfectly and will be great around the house or exercise outfit. Best part is the warm fuzzy feeling they give me.

One more thing to note is that my 5th fill should be Tuesday. As long as the surgeon doesn’t need to step in and help with the fill they are not going to charge me. I never asked for this, but I did mention that I was trying to get one more fill before my 3 months of free appointments were over. They didn’t feel comfortable on filling me in a week so this was a great compromise. Since I do have to slow down now, I am thinking that this one should get me really close to my sweet spot. In fact, it might be as close as I want to get until I learn to eat like a good bandster.

Update and Oh Yeah... My Medical Leave was Selfish!!

I have been traveling to Cleveland this week and due to the broken internet at the hotel I am really behind on all my blog reading. I am slowly catching up and wanted to leave a “quick” update.


Before I left I was losing a half a pound a day! I was really hoping that that would continue while I was gone, but it doesn’t look like it did (crossing my fingers for 230 in the morning!). Too much stress and too many hours in the office and car led to no exercise and not the best diet (but not too bad). In fact, although nobody commented again on my weight loss (even when I mention it) they did comment on how little I was eating.

However, dinners were challenging since I didn’t get out to work until 7 or 8 each night. I normally get grilled chicken from KFC when that type of thing happens but the first night I went there I drove off after the staff starting fighting. They were yelling, swearing up a storm, and the guy even whipped off his headset and threw it across the room. The second night I went to Bob Evan’s and got some fish off their new light menu. It was great (still a little high in calories for us), but I still got hungry an hour later. I broke out my cocoa almonds and chowed down on them. WAY TOOO FAST!!! The night ended with my first PB. So far the only time I get stuck is when I eat too fast (almost happened again today) so I really need to slow down!!

One thing I traveled for this week was to get my yearly review. I knew based on what was going on around work that this wasn’t going to be a great one and I know that many of my team members were facing the same thing. One thing that really surprised me was what my boss said about my medical leave.

She actually implied that my medical leave was selfish! She actually said that my leave hurt the team and went on about how I didn’t understand how busy the rest of the team was. Then she said how she thought my work/life balance was all life and no work.

Ohh.. and when I mentioned that she used to give those of us that were remote (I am now the only one) warnings on meeting that were going to be scheduled on site and that she didn’t anymore she said that she felt that that I was making excuses for not traveling to Cleveland - even though I have been there 3 times in the 6 weeks of 2010 (and canceled one of my vacation days to be there). The only thing I can figure out on that last one is either she is considering the restrictions after returning from medical leave (couldn’t travel for the get together at the bar that she later canceled) as an excuse or she didn’t like the fact that even though she changed her plans 4-5 times on me I asked her if it was possible to MOVE one of the meetings since I had a commitment that might prevent me from traveling that day (but when she couldn’t I found a way to rearrange my commitments).

So… To say the least I was stunned. First of all, I don’t think she is supposed to consider my medical leave at all in my review since it was covered by the Family Medical Leave Act. Second, selfish???? This really supports my impression that she knows what kind of surgery I had (I had one of your blogs open one day to get a recipe for dinner and I think she saw it). My parent’s think this shows how ethical she really is, but even if I am wrong this really supports my “don’t tell” policy. I mean if she doesn’t really know and she thinks it is selfish just think what she would think if she knew it was “just” for weight loss.

So since she is considering my medical leave against me I find myself in a situation. I don’t want to lose my job or get penalized for it (or future doctor’s appointments). I figure my only recourse is to report it to our Ombudsmen’s office. She was NOT willing to listen to me when I spoke on other things so I don’t think she will be open to talking about it (I think her exact words at one point were “I’m not going to change so deal with it”). I am going to ask them not to say anything to her since the nature of the complaint would make it hard to be anonymous, but I am going to ask what my rights are and get it documented.

So even though I love my company I think I will be looking for another job. One major problem is that it has to be in Michigan since my house is worth diddly squat compared to what I owe. Too bad the unemployment rate around here is worse than the housing market. However, with the way things are going at work I might just be joining them if I don’t at least try!

Sorry about all the venting! I hope everyone had a better week than I did and I will try and catch up as soon as I can.

Beautiful Blogger Award

I was nominated today for the Beautiful Blogger award by TracyZ. It was a great Valentine’s day present and I am very thankful that she thought of me. I love reading Tracy’s blog. I also love that we have the same name (something I rarely see), that she spells it correctly ; ) and that we are both in the technology field.


I am not sure who started this award, but below are a list of rules. The hardest part was to pick just 7 blogs to nominate. There are so many great blogs out there!!

Here are the rules:

• Thank the person who nominated you for this award
• Copy the award and post it in your blog
• Link to the blog of the person who nominated you
• Tell seven interesting things about yourself
• Nominate seven bloggers
• Post links to the blogs of your nominees

Seven Interesting things about me:

1. I am a true introvert and all that entails. (Definition: Introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings. They often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy. This is true even if they have good social skills. After being with people for any length of time, such as at a party, they need time alone to "recharge.") I let it hold me back from doing things. As I have gotten heavier it was a good excuse for avoiding certain activities.

2. I have worked for same company since my junior year of college (9 years in April). I was an intern for about half that time as I finished my undergrad and graduate degrees. Since most of my current team is based out of state I work from home and have for almost 2 years. I have to say that there are benefits and drawbacks from working from home. It isn’t a bed of roses, but I do like it.

3. I have lived in Michigan all my life. Except for those brief moments that I wish I lived in a place with an outdoor pool I could use year round, I love it. I had an opportunity to move to Arizona and get my PhD, but besides the crappy climate in Arizonia ;) I love living within driving distance to my family.

4. I am an only child, but have a large extended family. My maternal grandmother had 7 kids (my mom’s the youngest), 24 grankids (I am the youngest), 40+ great grandkids, and somewhere around 6 great great grandkids and most of them live in Michigan.

5. My grandmother moved across the street from my parents when I was 5. She will be 90 in March and she still lives there today. My worst fear is that she will leave us even though I know the day is coming. She has survived so much and almost left us several times in the last year. However, she can still speed pass the younger crowd in the grocery store using her walker. She is my inspiration.

6. I was sick my freshman year of high school and missed 80 out of a 180 days of school. I still graduated first in my class. I am very proud of this, since it allowed me afford to go to college, but I wish people would have saw me as more than studious.

7. I have a fear of heights (or more accurately falling). I flew for the first time when I was 26 (5 year ago). It was a hop, skip, and a jump flight from Detroit to Chicago. Since then I have Los Vegas, Orlando, and Los Angeles. However, when my boss suggests a trip to India I have feelings of panic.

My Beautiful Blogger Award Nominees:

1. Sally: Sally is one of our bloggers in Australia and was banded two months ago. All the kg and cm makes my mind hurt, but I love hearing stories from the other side of the world :) She is getting so close to the half way point and I can’t wait to celebrate with her!!

2. Sandy Lee: Sandy is a recent bandster and was banded only a few days ago. Like me she experienced a last minute EKG issue that almost delayed her surgery. Luckily everything went ahead as planned and she is finding great ways to make liquids sound great. I am hoping she will post the recipe for Curried Squash soup that she was planning for dinner tonight ;)

3. Linda O:  Linda is a fellow Michigander and like Sally was banded two months ago. She had her first fill a couple weeks ago and is that stage of learning how much restriction she really has. I look forward to her comments and miss her when her busy life pulls her away from blog land for a while.

4. Cara: Cara is another of our Australian sisters. She was banded 8 ½ months ago and is really close to her goal!! She recently joined a intensive training program for her Aged Care certification. I have a cousin who is a CNA at a nursing home so I have some idea of what she is taking on and I am very impressed!

5. Kristin: Kristin is another new bandster and was banded at the beginning of Jan. She recently had her first fill and I am hoping she felt some restriction today! I am amazed at all Kristin is able to do even with three young children - she makes me feel lazy ;0

6. Debi: Debi was one of my first followers and was banded the day before I was. She lives in California and has a beautiful pool (I am jealous). Debi leaves great comments and I love how she welcomes every new follower to her blog.

7. Linda: Linda is 8 months post and has lost almost 70 pounds!! Soo amazing! She had a band slip scare (thankfully it didn’t) late last year and had an unfill which is one of my fears. Her progress in spite of this inspiring!

Bullseye!!

Finally!!

I went today planning on asking them to do a 1.5 cc fill since I haven’t had a successful fill since before Christmas. I know that most people don’t get restriction until they hit 7 (in a 11cc band) so I figured 6.5 shouldn’t be a problem. The NP was one step ahead of me and after hearing what I could eat said that she was going to put 2 in unless the PA from the main hospital disagreed.

When the PA got there (30 minutes late), he asked about what I could eat too. I told him nothing bothered me even a soft bisquit and that I could eat a large chicken breast with no problems. In fact, I could probably eat more but that I hadn’t pushed it too much. He immediately said that they would do a THREE cc fill!! That means I have 8ccs now!

Once they started I became a training dummy, but I didn’t mind. It feels so strange to have them passing the needle around (inside me) and adjusting things. The PA made my NP take out the needle at one point and try again by herself. Kristy felt bad about sticking me again, and asked it if was ok, but the PA just pulled it out and said she had to do it :) I got a great lesson in doing fills myself and we figured out that she was actually hitting the plastic part of the port before which is why we both could feel it hit the port, but she couldn't remove any liquid.

I have to say it is kind of nice to be one of a handful of band patients (except for the crappy fills). I get a lot of 1-1 time and we probably both learn a lot. We spent the first 20 minutes talking and she gushed over all the changes in my body (it felt so good!). She was especially excited about the weight loss without restriction. I even confessed to all my non-bandster ways over the last two weeks. I really wanted her to understand that just because I am doing well doesn’t mean I don’t need help. She understood and I felt so much better.

I am on full liquids for the rest of the day not clears… yippee! I asked why I had to do clear liquids and she said that I really don’t have too. So I made up some cheddar potato soup and it tastes so good compared to the chicken broth I was planning on!

Best part about today – my soup is gurgling. I ate my half a cup and a couple minutes later I actually felt bubbles in my chest. I am guessing that is the food going through the pouch. I really hope the burping that followed doesn’t last, but I am thinking that this is a great sign of restriction!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

This isn't band related, but I need to get it off my chest. 

Yesterday I was approached by a group of people saying that they were in the area doing windows for a couple other condos in my complex and ask if they could do an estimate for me.  I told them at the time that I wouldn't be ready to buy until later in the year and didn't know if I wanted to do fiberglass, but that I was willing to hear them out.  We scheduled a time and I spent part of the night finishing cleaning my house and moving furniture away from the windows so they could measure.

Today one employee came back (5 minutes before their window of time was up).  I told her what I was looking for and that I wasn't sure if fiberglass was what I wanted, but I wanted to gather info to make an informed decision.  She asked if I had someone that helped me make decisions on purchases like this and I said I did (my Dad).  She basically then went on to say that she COULDN'T do their thing unless he was here.  I told her repeatedly that that wasn't possible since he didn't live in the area.  She didn't relent.  I even said how I make the decisions not him and that he was basically just my sounding board.  She still insisted.  Angry at this point I told her I wasn't interested then. 

I have never heard of someone refusing to do a sales pitch because your dad wasn't available.  I was sooo offended.  I called the company up and complained and they just said "sorry they couldn't help me".   Yes I was upset on the phone and mentioned that I was going to let my neighbors know how they do business, but if they would have just said I'm sorry or that isn't how they normally do business or something I would have felt so much better.  Now I will spread the word to as many people as possible (already on facebook).  If you live in the Detroit area let me know and I will pass the name on.  I  don't want to put it on my blog so it doesn't show up in searches. 

On the band side I am "supposed" to get a fill today.  Who knows if it will work anymore.  I am so tense I haven't eaten all day.  I need to get over this so I can relax before I go in.  Otherwise I am sure that needle going into my tense body will feel so lovely.  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Goal Updates

I am running a little late updating my goals for Jan, but here is a summary of my progress so far

1. Lose 10 lbs every 8 weeks


Progress: So far it has been great (even though I have to keep convincing myself of it) In the little over 4 weeks in January I have lost 8.6lbs.

Changes: Since this goal is a little to “easy” for me I want to add a little challenge. I may change it back as I get farther into the year. For now my new goal is “Lose 15lbs every 10 weeks”.

2. Pay off 10k of debt (house, credit card, student loan,car) not including interest by end of year

Progress: This month was a little hard since I am still recovering from my 4th quarter layoff, but I still put away enough extra to reach my goal by the end of the year.

3. Toss or box for garage sale 10 items from each room each month until sale - trash doesn’t count :)

Progress: BAD!!! I only sorted through two room and got rid of 6 items in total. Since my goal was 50 (5 major rooms) this was a failure for the month. I need to amp this up for February.

Changes: I am going to make it a goal to spend a little time each week sorting and de-cluttering and not push it to the end of the month (and then run out of time) My plan for this month will be to remove at least 10 items each week (2 per room). It won’t get me to my goal, but it will be great progress compared to Jan.

4. Complete 10 blog postings every month

Progress: I was very bad over the last couple of weeks of Jan but I did get 11 posts done in Jan. I have several more planned, just not written.

5. Increase exercise to 10 hours every two weeks

Progress: I making great progress towards this goal. Out of 20 days in Jan (started my program mid-month) have exercised 19!! I don’t know if I am hitting 5 hours per week, but I know I am close and currently I am not tracking “exercise” time. My new GoWear Fit allows me to easily track moderate and intense activities for the entire day and that is what I am tracking right now. (For those of you who use a device like this I changed my METs to better reflect my BMI and personal goals).

Changes: Since I am focused on entire day activity as well as exercise I am changing my goal. New Goal is “Exercise 10 days every two weeks, with an average of 10 minutes of vigorous activities every day and 10 hours of total activity each week”

6. Attend 10 events this year

Progress: I attended 1 event so far this year. I was going to go to a couple homecoming events (college), but wasn’t able to due to work travel.

7. Save 10% of income by year end

Progress: I upped my savings a percentage point this month.

8. Complete a 10 minute mile by year end

Progress: I am FAR from hitting this goal with my record 27 minute mile, but I am making progress. I completed W1D1 of the C25K and added in a few runs to my other walks.

Changes: I want to hit this goal by the end of the year and since I am sooo far away I want to add a little more detail to my goal to make it easier to track progress and add corrective actions if needed. My new goal: “Complete a 5k by 10/10/10 and run a 25 min mile by April 15th, a 20 min mile July 15st, a 15 min by Oct 15th and a 10 min mile by year end.”

9. Decrease utility bills by 10% (in total) by year end (tv, cell, phone, internet, gas, electric)

Progress: BAD! I identified a couple areas to decrease my monthly bills, but I didn’t execute any of them.

Changes: By the end of the month I need to call the satellite company and lower my tv plan and call the phone company and lower my internet plan (since I am not getting the speed I am paying for anyways). I also need to identify a few more areas of savings.

10. Spend 10 hours a month dedicated to house work

Progress: I did some great things last month. My workout room was cleaned and reorganized and I finally put up the shelf in my basement that has been sitting half up since spring! I also started out the year spending a lot more time on housework. However, as soon as travel started things went south. My biggest problem is that I don’t DEDICATE time to it. I plan it out and start, but then I start doing other things and I get behind. Not sure how to fix this yet, but I am happy with the all the things I got done this month.

Photo Update

Since I hit another major milestone I thought I would add an updated picture. 

Just in case it is hard to see I elminated the hazy iphone pics and focused on just the first and last pictures.  I knew that a lot of the puffiness in my face had gone away, but I still love seeing the differences.  I am still about 10 pounds higher than I have been most of my adult life, but I am starting to really see myself again.  It won't be long before I will weigh less than I have as an adult and I get to see a new me.  I love it!

Also since I hit another 10lb milestone here are my updated measurements.  29.5 inches :)

40!!!!!!!

I hit FORTY today! Only 60 more pounds to go until I hit goal! I still think of myself as 275, but that is starting to change. It hit me the other day that my ticker almost half way across – I was shocked. It is really starting to kick in that I am going to hit goal and it is just a mater of when.

I would really like to hit my goal by Nov 10th since that would be 1 year from starting my preop. That means I would have to lose about 6.5 pounds a month - which is less than I am losing now and totally doable in my mind. I could then use the next few months to "fine tune" my weight and get to that ideal weight (whatever I think is ideal not the medical community). Heck I could actually be at a normal weight by the time the typical 18months of weight loss is over. That is so amazing to me!

Of course, I “secretly” wish that I would lose even faster (don’t we all). In the back of my mind I start thinking that if I could do 40lbs in less than 3 months without restriction what could I do WITH restriction. Could I continue to lose an average of 10 lbs a month? Could I really be to goal in 6 more months??? If not I will still be very happy, but it is shocking to think that it is actually possible.

For today, I am going to enjoy my 40 pound victory and enjoy the feeling that I can achieve so many great things over the next few months!!

Followers

I just realized that I had a couple followers that I don't follow myself.  If you are one of them please post your blog in the comments so I can add you - if you don't want me to then never mind ;)

Also here is a blog to follow if you don't already: http://bandgroupiethesweetspot.blogspot.com/.  Band Groupie  is currently in her healthy weight zone and has some great (and funny) advice and observations.  She has committed to sharing her pictures as her followers grow so please go out and take a look!

AWOL

Wow I haven’t posted in 15 days! Shame Shame on me. The last couple weeks have been really busy with work travel and I have been trying to keep up, but I haven’t had a chance to read everyone’s blog let alone post one myself. I have several blog ideas in the works so you will probably see a bunch coming soon – whether you want to or now ;) For now I will just do a quick update.

January was a strange month for me. My body was jumping up and down on the weight front and sometimes would refuse to budge for a couple weeks. Then all of a sudden I would lose a couple pounds over night. UHHHH!! So frustrating! I did officially lose 8.6lbs and I am thrilled. Of course this month I am +1 so I am guessing this will be a frustrating month too.

As for my fills (or fails!)… The NP did fill number three a couple weeks ago, but once again it didn’t work. She gets the needle in and you can feel it “click” into place, but since she can’t remove any fluid she knows she isn’t in the right spot. She now says that fill 2 was a failure too since I had no change in my restriction and the needle did the same thing. I was supposed to meet with the doc on fill three since she messed up, but due to work travel I had to move my appointment up.

I am really disappointed. I should have 7ccs by now and should have some (if not great) restriction. I had my first fill right before Christmas. Since then there has been ONE opportunity to have a doctor supervised fill and I couldn’t make it. She told us later we could go to the other office, but by then I had my travel planned and couldn’t make the Wednesday fill dates. It seems to me that they should have taken in to account that she was so new and made arrangements for someone to help her more often (or get some more training).

Also the first 90 days of appointments are paid in full by my insurance (as part of the surgery bill). After I will have to pay a portion of each visit and since this is a procedure and not just an office visit I think I will have to pay 20%. I basically lost almost 2 months of free care. I am hoping that the appointment on the 11th will go flawlessly and I will leave with perfect restriction :)

Right now I am so tired of not having any restriction. It has been almost three months since preop and yes I have lost almost 40lbs, but it is hard. Very very hard. I am losing my momentum on the eating front. My calories have been pretty good, but my serving sizes are much bigger and I eat much faster. I even have drank liquids during meals. *gasp* But knowing that it doesn’t matter right now makes it hard to follow the stricter rules. I think this is the worst thing about not having restriction. I will now have to relearn everything I practiced for so hard after the surgery.

On the plus side my workouts have been great. I have exercised something like 20 out of 22 days or something similar. I tried pilates (love it!), dance cardio (can barely do it), tae-bo (fun!), and have actually completed a day of C25K. The C25K was a great workout. I actually sweated (which I normally do very little of even in hard workouts). I actually like to workout. I think an alien has taken over my body!

Ok. so that wasn't really a "quick" update, but what did you expect from me?!?! LOL