Good Thoughts PLEASE!!

I need some serious help. I have lost my keys and it is driving me absolutely NUTS!!! Not only is my house and car key on there, but so is my work security fob. But it isn’t just that I feel so MESSED UP!!!! My life feels so chaotic and the stress is arghhh!!! My dad was even down here to help me with a couple things and he coudn't find them either.  I know I used them to get into the house late last night, but they seem to have disappeared.


I would honestly pay someone a few hundred bucks if they could just hand them to me right now. Heck I would gladly be 275 again tomorrow just to know where the HELL they ARE - as long as I had my band to lose it again of course. It still drives me a little crazy the time I dropped my keys on campus and couldn’t find them and that was 8 or 9 years ago.

Honestly, I know it is a little crazy that this bothers me so much. I am a control freak and things like this do drive me crazy, but today… well this is more the straw that broke the camel’s back. Things are just a little crazy over here. Family illness galore. Serious life threatening illnesses. I have almost lost 3 family members – in the last three weeks.

One won’t make it. She is 89 and is in her 3 round of cancer in her life.  She was given 3 months to live a year ago.  She lives on the other side of the country and I rarely see her.  In fact, I never really liked her that much because of the way she treated people.  However, my dad and I went out to visit her last summer and although she has her issues I got along great.  We could have really got along great had we had a chance to get closer over the years.  I realized while we were there that we are so alike.  I could be a lot like her at 89 and it made me think about what I wanted to keep and what I wanted to change.  She is now in her last days if not hours and it makes me think about what could have been. 

Another family member had double bypass surgery today after a heart attack a couple days ago. I would have never guessed.  Although he smokes and does some other unhealthy things he was skinny.  I figured clogged arteries was more a fat related thing (yeah I know the genetics thing too).  He is now in the ICU on a vent, but doing great. 

One had what everyone thought was a stroke - after having kidney replacement last year and his leg amputated a couple months ago. He started going outside to feed the goats (goats they don't have - have never had).  He didn't know his name or anything.  He was in the ICU for days.

It just is too much. People need to stop getting old because it is just way to hard. I wish I go back to being a teenager where almost everyone around me was healthy. 

So back to my keys. I need my keys. I need to have some control back and I need to find my keys. Yes, I know it won’t really fix the issues, but it is the only one I have ANY control over. So if you could please send good thoughts my way I would appreciate it. Ohh yeah and please please think that they are in my house and weren't picked up outside by some strange person walking around the building at dawn that will steal my car and try to break into my house tonight.  I have a "club" on my house door so they won't get in without a lot of effor and causing enough noise to wake me up, but I would perfer not to have to deal with the cops tomorrow.  (I am 95% sure they are in my house or I would have changed the deadbolt).