Picture update

When my mom was visiting last weekend I had her take a quick picture of me at 225. I am not sure the differences are as big as prior updates, but the longer I look the more I see. It is at a slightly different angle since she is almost a foot and half shorter than my dad (who took the prior picture), but even with the lower angle I am starting to see a big difference in my neck. I actually have a little of a hollow spot in my throat! Hopefully, it won’t be long before I start to see my collar bones :)

I really love the picture compared to my first. It is hard to recognize myself at 270. I hated the fact that I looked so different – and felt so different too. The 225 picture is ME. I was probably between 215 and 225 most of my adult life – or at least it feels like it. This is the ME that I feel like inside. Now that is a little scary since I will soon be under this weight. I am not sure what I will see when I get to 195, 185, or 175.

I am sure I will love it, but I still think it will hard – I already feel a little of the emotions I expect will come full force soon. As I went through my house bagging up clothes I got choked up a few times. Looking at my 3xs and 22s I couldn’t believe how large some of them looked to me now (they never really did before).

As I started getting my “smaller” clothes together I really started to feel … sad…happy…something unidentifiable… Many of them I didn’t even get to wear because I didn’t think I was going to fit into the stuff yet. Many of the ones that I was able to add to my closet were clothes that I bought the last time I lost a bunch of weight. Many of them looked brand new and I realized that many of them were probably only wore once or twice before I started to feel they were too tight.

Then it hit me… will the same thing happen this time?? Will these clothes get worn more than a couple times before they are packed back up? I am very close to where I normally give up. Will I give up again? Yes, I say I won’t and I really don’t think I will, but those thoughts are still there.

Other thoughts ran through my mind too. I am half way done.. in less than 4 months. I may not wear these clothes more than a few times and that is a good thing! I may move on to brand new sizes soon - sizes that I haven’t worn in over a decade. That is almost as scary as failing!!

So as I look back on the last two weeks and see how my weight loss has slowed down I have mixed feelings. On one side, I fear that this is just a sign that I will get stuck again and never get under than 200 point (which ever diet I have been on since college has failed at). On the other side, I feel a little relieved that I don’t have to deal with a new identity as quickly as I have so far. But then the impatient me kicks in and says if you lost this much this fast just think what you could do in a year – get your butt moving!

All in all I figure these emotions are normal and are part of the journey. None of them really worry me because most of the time I am an extremely rational person (too rational sometimes). I like facts, numbers, charts, graphs, and research. And the fact is the band works. The success numbers prove it. The fact is also that after a 50 pounds loss in 4 months my body will probably slow down. That doesn’t mean I won’t succeed. I may even speed up again, but a slow down is not an end.

Now after all those deep thoughts I will leave you with one more fact. I have lost 43 inches. FORTY-THREE!!! That is over 3 and half feet. I have lost almost a foot around my waist! No wonder those clothes looked so big :P Most importantly I am only 3.5 inches from hitting that important number of 35 which signifies a lower risk of heart disease, diabetes, and hypertension.