40!!!!!!!

I hit FORTY today! Only 60 more pounds to go until I hit goal! I still think of myself as 275, but that is starting to change. It hit me the other day that my ticker almost half way across – I was shocked. It is really starting to kick in that I am going to hit goal and it is just a mater of when.

I would really like to hit my goal by Nov 10th since that would be 1 year from starting my preop. That means I would have to lose about 6.5 pounds a month - which is less than I am losing now and totally doable in my mind. I could then use the next few months to "fine tune" my weight and get to that ideal weight (whatever I think is ideal not the medical community). Heck I could actually be at a normal weight by the time the typical 18months of weight loss is over. That is so amazing to me!

Of course, I “secretly” wish that I would lose even faster (don’t we all). In the back of my mind I start thinking that if I could do 40lbs in less than 3 months without restriction what could I do WITH restriction. Could I continue to lose an average of 10 lbs a month? Could I really be to goal in 6 more months??? If not I will still be very happy, but it is shocking to think that it is actually possible.

For today, I am going to enjoy my 40 pound victory and enjoy the feeling that I can achieve so many great things over the next few months!!

Followers

I just realized that I had a couple followers that I don't follow myself.  If you are one of them please post your blog in the comments so I can add you - if you don't want me to then never mind ;)

Also here is a blog to follow if you don't already: http://bandgroupiethesweetspot.blogspot.com/.  Band Groupie  is currently in her healthy weight zone and has some great (and funny) advice and observations.  She has committed to sharing her pictures as her followers grow so please go out and take a look!

AWOL

Wow I haven’t posted in 15 days! Shame Shame on me. The last couple weeks have been really busy with work travel and I have been trying to keep up, but I haven’t had a chance to read everyone’s blog let alone post one myself. I have several blog ideas in the works so you will probably see a bunch coming soon – whether you want to or now ;) For now I will just do a quick update.

January was a strange month for me. My body was jumping up and down on the weight front and sometimes would refuse to budge for a couple weeks. Then all of a sudden I would lose a couple pounds over night. UHHHH!! So frustrating! I did officially lose 8.6lbs and I am thrilled. Of course this month I am +1 so I am guessing this will be a frustrating month too.

As for my fills (or fails!)… The NP did fill number three a couple weeks ago, but once again it didn’t work. She gets the needle in and you can feel it “click” into place, but since she can’t remove any fluid she knows she isn’t in the right spot. She now says that fill 2 was a failure too since I had no change in my restriction and the needle did the same thing. I was supposed to meet with the doc on fill three since she messed up, but due to work travel I had to move my appointment up.

I am really disappointed. I should have 7ccs by now and should have some (if not great) restriction. I had my first fill right before Christmas. Since then there has been ONE opportunity to have a doctor supervised fill and I couldn’t make it. She told us later we could go to the other office, but by then I had my travel planned and couldn’t make the Wednesday fill dates. It seems to me that they should have taken in to account that she was so new and made arrangements for someone to help her more often (or get some more training).

Also the first 90 days of appointments are paid in full by my insurance (as part of the surgery bill). After I will have to pay a portion of each visit and since this is a procedure and not just an office visit I think I will have to pay 20%. I basically lost almost 2 months of free care. I am hoping that the appointment on the 11th will go flawlessly and I will leave with perfect restriction :)

Right now I am so tired of not having any restriction. It has been almost three months since preop and yes I have lost almost 40lbs, but it is hard. Very very hard. I am losing my momentum on the eating front. My calories have been pretty good, but my serving sizes are much bigger and I eat much faster. I even have drank liquids during meals. *gasp* But knowing that it doesn’t matter right now makes it hard to follow the stricter rules. I think this is the worst thing about not having restriction. I will now have to relearn everything I practiced for so hard after the surgery.

On the plus side my workouts have been great. I have exercised something like 20 out of 22 days or something similar. I tried pilates (love it!), dance cardio (can barely do it), tae-bo (fun!), and have actually completed a day of C25K. The C25K was a great workout. I actually sweated (which I normally do very little of even in hard workouts). I actually like to workout. I think an alien has taken over my body!

Ok. so that wasn't really a "quick" update, but what did you expect from me?!?! LOL

Support Group and New Goals

Last night was my support group. We actually had three people! Whoohoo! :) Last month I was by myself and the two before that there were only 2 of us. One of the ladies there I had met before – right before my surgery.

The second was a new member. She actually had band surgery 6 years ago, but had gained back all the weight. She admits it was her own fault since she didn’t keep up with her fills (after a complete unfill), exercise or stick to the diet. She was basically starting over. I think she will be an asset to the group. She has a volume of knowledge of not only what works, but what doesn’t. I think she felt a little uncomfortable, but I hope she is there next month.

The strange thing was that I am sure I have met her before. Her voice and her face seemed so familiar to me. It was like Déjà vu. Shivers kept running down my neck when she talked, but I just can’t figure it out. I didn’t want to ask her because I didn’t want to make her more nervous. I really hope she comes back or I will drive myself crazy trying to figure it out ;)
One great thing is that the NP was suggesting future topics and she suggested we try to do a few exercise classes so we could try new things. She is going to look into finding someone to do a Zumba class as well as possibly a Yoga or Pilates class. Now since I can’t dance I didn’t want to try a Zumba class on my own, so I think this will be great. We also have a decent sized gym upstairs that they also use for Physical Therapy and she was going to look at getting the trainer to do a session on how to use the equipment. Now I know some of you don’t like it when the meetings turn into “showing fat people how to exercise”. However, I think this will be more about trying new things and not just the basics. I am looking forward to it!!

I also mentioned a new goal of mine at group and the NP immediately wrote it down to hold me accountable. I have been tossing it around for a few weeks so I am going to announce it now: I am going to run a 5K this year!! It won’t be soon, but I will do it.

I also changed my “first” weight goal. My doctor had said that a BMI of 30 should be our main goal. His justification is that getting down to a 30 BMI has been shown to reduce weight related health concerns almost entirely. Plus as you get closer to this goal you will know better of what you want your end goal to be (if you decide to go lower).

For me that means 180 pounds. That is on the low edge of 30 (an ounce a way from 29.9) so I really wouldn’t be considered obese. However, that is awfully darn close. I don’t want to be a pound away from seeing that label again. So to give me a little breathing room, my new “first” goal is 175 pounds. This equals a loss of 100 pounds (which also is the cut off for insurance paid tummy tucks according to my dr). I would be a happy stopping at this weight, but it really depends on how I feel once I get closer. I can’t wait!! :)

2 Months Down!

Today is my 2 month bandiversary! I don’t have restriction yet, but I still love my band. The entire process has changed my mindset and motivation and so far my life has changed. I am down 36 pounds, one pants size, 1 shirt size (depending on cut), and a significant number of inches. The best thing of all I feel wonderful!!

I had a few challenges the last couple of weeks to be sure – a ton of stress, a plateau, seeing a friend post a derogatory comment about fat people on facebook. I relived all the bad things that have happened over the last few years including getting stabbed in the back by my best friend. I focused on all the things I didn’t do because of weight, my introversion, and my fears. Now I am typically a content person, but I started to feel extremely crappy about myself.

I decided that it had to end. I mourned the loss of a couple of old friends that I realized are not the same people I loved years ago. I decided to focus on all the good things that have happened in my life so far and that will happen in the future. I set goals to do things I never would have tried in the past.

This combined with wonderful exercise endorphins has resulted in a wonderful feeling. I am not just back to my content/happy self. I feel different. I feel motivated. I feel like smiling at random things like a sunny day, completing a 60 second run, or fact that I cleaned the basement :) Now that is not to say that bad things don’t slip in, but that is life. Today I am feeling wonderful and love it!!!

30 Followers!

I finally found a gadget that tells me who joined my blog recently so I wanted to welcome Stephanie. She marked a milestone and was my 30th (not including myself) follower! When I started my blog I really never thought that people would actually read it so I wanted to say thank you to all the people who joined my journey over the last few months. If there is ever anything you want to know just ask and I will try and answer.

Victory!

After losing and gaining the same two pounds this month I was starting to think I had hit a plateau. I was eating good and exercising the same as before, but I still bounced between 243 and 245. I figured it was just due to being that TOTM, but after two weeks of no additional weight loss I was starting to get a little down.

Yesterday I finally saw some movement and was ecstatic when the scale dipped to 240, but I was somewhat skeptical. I decided not to count my victory until the scale read the same today. Now I know weighing yourself daily isn’t good on the morale when you are in a plateau and I haven’t been weighing myself everyday. However, today is the weigh in day for the “Love to Love Myself” challenge that “The Former Fat Girl“  is putting on so I HAD to do it ;D

I was thrilled to find that I not only kept the 3lb loss, but at 239 I lost an additional pound for a total of 36 pounds! Best of all my BMI is no longer over 40. I am not morbidly obese anymore! Whoohoooo!!!